oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
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