Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
