Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
