4 words: hood of his car
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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