You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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