We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
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