i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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