Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
