I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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