At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
