Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize