Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
