Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
