I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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