I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize