i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
