I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize