so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
