i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
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