i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
