just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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