My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
