hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
