2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm sobbing to NWA
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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