I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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