ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
