what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
