I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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