i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize