your parents love me but you hate me
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Im part way to drunk.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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