You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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