He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
