ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
