He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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