This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
