this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
