you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
