so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Randomize
