Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
