I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
