i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
