im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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