You smell like a Billy Joel song
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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