my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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