I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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