She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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