Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
