yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
