She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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