Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
