We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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