Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
