I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
