Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
