hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
