Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
