I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
a search helicopter?!
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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