Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
