if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
