Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize