The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
