We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize