but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
