In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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