Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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