good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
